High-Rise Jeans Bad, High-Rise Panties Good

Admit it. At one time or another we’ve all snickered at that mom at the park with her three rugrats and high-rise, butt-the-size-of-Texas Mom Jeans. We’ve thought to ourselves, “Does she seriously think that looks good?” Or, “Guess that woman doesn’t own a mirror.” But that was when we were living in our smug BC ignorance. Before Children, and the ever-inevitable baby bulge that cannot be conquered, no matter how many sit ups we huff and puff through. So why does that woman wear high-rise jeans? Because anything lower will result in a matinee playing of The Muffin Top That Would Not Die.

High-rise jeans may make the belly pooch look bigger than life, but they also contain the rolls, and hide the horror of those stretch marks from innocent eyes. Mid and low-rise jeans are, at least in my opinion, more comfortable, and certainly more fashionable, but unless you’re wearing a tunic-length top, you’re flirting with disaster. Don’t raise those arms too high. Don’t bend down too low. You don’t want us to see that, do you?

So what’s a girl to do? One possible solution to those AC body woes can be found here. Genius, I say! Panties that cover the stretch marks and backside-business, and locks and loads the muffin dough. “But they’re PANTIES!”, you cry. “Everybody will snicker at me for showing my panties!” “Eh,” I shrug. “Everybody’s a critic.”